there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
