Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
