well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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