I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
