Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
