She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
