He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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