This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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