Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
