I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
