Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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