OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.