i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
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Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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