I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We named our party play list daddy issues
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
