What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
