Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??