Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He kissed a someone with a penis
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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