Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(315): View more from New York

I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you

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(731): View more from Tennessee

all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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(206): View more from Washington

I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.

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(416): View more from Toronto

You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.

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(415): View more from California

Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.

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