She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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