it hurts more in the daytime
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
