this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
