I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
