I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
