He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
