I cut my penus on the lid.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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