he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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