i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
