Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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