she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
