Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
