We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
