i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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