You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
