She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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