Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
