yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
