just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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