Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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