So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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