i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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