i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
