party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
