I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
