I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
