But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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