Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
