things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
