I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
