so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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