At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize