what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
