We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
