you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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