He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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