Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
