just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
