im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
