you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
