I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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