Dude my mom stole all your condoms
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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