He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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