weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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