I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
