Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
