i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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