Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
