We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
