she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
