I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
