Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
