1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I am morally bankrupt
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
