Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
